Moving Again

I'll just go ahead and quote what I posted on the Asylum:

"Yes. Again.

Figured I'd post here. More OoTers sneak in here than Asylumites sneak into the OoT. Who da thunk?

Anyway, up until now, I've been living in Charlotte, NC desperately looking for a job to no avail. I should've kept looking into going to college like Nexa recommended (which is still a fantastical idea) but even getting my taxes for financial aide proved to be a real bitch.

Add stress to that from being jobless for about 3 months and it becomes easy to be side tracked.

Just this thursday, though, my GF's mom apparently was able to get quite the connect. Not only do I have a job lined up but instead of living with my best friend's bro, I may even have a studio apartment lined up. Catch 22 is that it's in South Jersey.

At least I'll be 10 minutes away from said GF, so that's all dandy.

Sorry DSD/Tare/Cami/RJ that I couldn't visit and have a drink with y'all. Wanted to get out of bum status but that never happened.

I'll be leaving by this coming Saturday, just in time for Terminator. Here's hoping (again) that things go my way in yet another new spot. Been going on quite the bad luck run. At least it's already looking brighter. I'll be able to do college from home till I can get my hands on a set of wheels again and make something out of my sad little life.

Till then...

"

Yeah, that pretty much sums shit up for me. To add further detail, the job is with me taking care of disabled people and making sure they take their meds and eat. Not tough since I used to help my mom with old people from time to time with the same exact thing.

Matt, on the other hand, is going to try Florida again. It'll be nice for him to be with all his friends again and he even has a job or two lined up. Going to miss the asshole dearly, though. At any rate, the plan is to eventually rendezvous with Alex in GA. Hopefully by the time we've saved the cash for that, Ashley should be done with school and this recession won't be as much of a bitch as it is now.

If you are in NC and looking for work; good luck. I had none.

Here's hoping this new chapter doesn't suck like the last dozen!

lulz

Well, Matt and I decided to make a video blog on YouTube. It's about us being bored and talking about random shit. Like. Really random.

Check it out! The idea was to keep our friends back in Miami up to date while making total retards of ourselves for the lulz. So far, I'm amused. :D

Leaving FL

Well it seems like this thing works now, so let me post what I tried to send when I was waiting at the bus stop in Miami:

"I sit here at the bus stop. I feel sick and dizzy. I am amazed at the fact that by 4:20 PM tomorrow I will be in Charlotte for longer that a weekend. I'm going to live there.

I have major levels of anxiety and barely know what to do with myself. Its the first time in my life that I've ever left Florida, my home, with no intention of coming back for a long time. Holy shit. What a rush!

Who knows how its going to be in north Carolina but I hope its good! Bus ride is going to be 19 boring hours.

If only I could play FFXI on my PSP! "

-Edited again. My phone fails. No more phone blog posting for me!-

Charlotte

Ok so this entry is mostly to see if my phone works. If it does then cool! I am in Charlotte now, sitting in a lobby after a job interview. I will get into details later if this works. :D

-Edited to fix the shitty mess my cell made.

Dreams

Another belated blog post. Hope all my lovely readers are doing great (yes, all 1 of you!).

So, I've been thinking about stuff lately. Of course, if you know me you'd know my mind is always racing, but lately it's been heavier than usual. I remember Max mentioning that he took therapy at one point and I'm thinking that maybe I should, too. I'd like to be able to get a third opinion on things without what I have to say causing some kind of recoil.

I'm quite the day dreamer. I day dream to escape reality, this I know, but all it really does is make me hate life. I end up daydreaming myself into paradise then waking up to the real world, where 8 times out of 10 nothing goes how I want it to go. I end up feeling lonely and empty and longing for whatever the hell I was dreaming about at the time.

For this reason, I try to keep my daydreams fiction. Flying, laser beam eyes, whatever the hell it takes. Waking up from my daydream isn't so bad if it's impossible, I figure. That, and well, I like action flicks and what better movie could I watch than one that I make up as I go along? haha

What sucks is that sometimes I mix in desires with my hero flicks. So, it's original purpose goes up in smoke in the end regardless and I still wake up longing for whatever portion was real in that daydream... As the days go by, I keep falling more and more into daydreaming and at some points, I can't even stop it. I just space out.

Only to wake up longing for things and people I may never have.

I think therapy would help me realize the finer points in my life that I might not even realize is there. Maybe make me a better person, not to everyone else (I have you motherfuckers spoiled), but to me.

I'm the biggest asshole in the world to myself. There is very few, if any, people that gets worse treatment from me than how I treat myself. I know this connects with the daydreaming, my past, and Lord knows what else, so this third opinion thing might be the best thing for me.

Either that or pray that some weird paranormal phenomena happens and the "Elvis" from my day dreams switches places with the shitty "Elvis" everyone knows. Obviously, that'll never happen but hey...just another day dream scenario for me.

It's dumb things that make me happy, too, that's the fucked up part. I don't ask for much out of life. I don't ask for riches or fame. I don't ask to be surrounded by the hot naked people that all want to do me. I don't ask for power. No need for big material things. None of that.

I just want what I give people to be reciprocated. Even my rent comes second to this. I often daydream about people in my past or people in my current lifestyle just doing things out of their own norm; doing things that make ME happy, for once. I want every happy warm emotion that was taken away from me as a kid. I want that 'family unity' feeling other people brag about.

Why me? Why the hell did I have to be so fucking different?

Everyone around me don't follow the 'rules' and 'morals' that I seemed to have set for myself, yet I feel wrong for not following them. I would think that affection I show people would naturally be reciprocated, but every single person I've gotten close to in the entirety of my life have shown me that greed isn't just related to money. Some people have come around, granted, but why should they have to 'come around' in the first place? Why does this mentality feel natural to me and JUST me?

Why can't I be a selfish dick like everyone else is? It seems foreign to me, even though it's pretty much as prominent as the air we breathe.

*sigh* I need more alcohol.

Oh God, he's being poetic. Someone buy this guy a hobby!

I can only watch the world spin from a distant far enough to taste the life that flows through it but never have enough to be consumed by it.

I'm but a number, neither positive nor negative, sitting amongst that which can create and destroy yet never take a side.

I crave that which should not be craved. Desire that which should not be desired. I know the fruit is forbidden but I would have desired to eat it a thousand times if it meant I could taste it once before my own destruction.

I smile because it's how I look into a mirror and see someone else's existance reflected that is not mine.

The ache I go through ripples through out my days but I never let a wave form. I can't let a wave form.

I wonder where the day after will be yet fear tomorrow; all the while trying to forget yesterday.

I want to give up but still move onward.

When will my eyes gaze upon my dreams?

So yeah...

I haven't updated this in a bit...but don't feel like blogging either...it's just that I keep looking at how outdated this thing is and know I should post some kind of update....I guess.

Long story short:

• I got my Apt. It's teh awesome
• I've resigned from Allakhazam.com
• I still do 'The Mog House' with Pikko on Sundays at 8est (www.onlinegamingradio.com)
• Job at SSC is still ok.
• I'm not dead yet.

That's probably the important parts. I'm having a shitty day so I really don't feel like typing much...I'm surprised I even typed up this much.

I'm tired. Just so damn tired. I feel 90 at 24. I barely feel like waking up in the morning but do so cause I know I'm supposed to.

Meh. Blog is starting to get emo, which is why I was skeptical to write in the first place. Oh well.